“So I won’t give up, no I won’t break down, Sooner than it seems life turns around”

She sits there having a good time with friends while having a smile on her face and laughing. But deep down did you know on the inside she’s not smiling or laughing… she’s suffering. She can’t bear to wonder if her smile is fake and that she’s lying to her friends. Making them seem like she’s having a good time. She does enjoy having fun with her friends. It’s those moments that she can have fun when her thoughts and worries go away for a while. Everybody knows what goes away, tends to come back.
Well of course her thoughts and worries come back. She isn’t just anyone. She is me. I’m the girl who loves having fun with her friends but at the same time I’m suffering inside. So many stressful things are going on in my life right now that I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not here to get sympathy or attention. I’m writing this because I’m hoping it will help me find some relief.
My grandpa recently went into the hospital. He is having liver problems and has been since the beginning of summer this year. Currently he is still sedated and intabated from surgery and will be that way till sometime tomorrow hopefully. I don’t know what to do. I know I’m 20 but this is so hard to deal with for me. It’s hard because everyday is a different day. Sometimes the news I get isn’t what I want to hear and it makes it even harder for me. My mother also might be having her own problems along with me having a problem of my own. Throughout all this I’m trying to stay strong. I’m not going into much detail because I’m already starting to tear up thinking about all of this. If you want to know more, ask me and if your someone I’m willing to tell….I will.
The only way I can find a way to relieve this is by crying myself to sleep. Everyone knows that isn’t healthy but I don’t know what else I can do. The one thing that helps me, is knowing my friends are there for me. Without them and my family, I would be worse than I am right now.
I do want this to end. I want my pain and suffering to end. I want to stop crying myself to sleep. I want my grandpa to get better. I especially want everything to be okay. All I can do right now is have hope that everything will be okay.
All of this has taken its toll on me, it’s not over yet but in time I will end the suffering on the inside. Till then, this is all I can do to help me cope with everything going on. This is the song I need to live by… Someone’s watching over me by Hilary duff.
"Someone's Watching Over Me"

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you're not here to say
What you always used to say
But it's written in the sky tonight

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it's shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it's taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
Someone's watching over me

It doesn't matter what people say
And it doesn't matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you'll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That I won't give up
No I won't break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I'm standing in the dark I'll still believe
That someone's watching over
Someone's watching over
Someone's watching over me

Someone's watching over me